I’ve spent the last few months decluttering, searching deeply, asking important questions from myself and my life both personally and professionally. What I realised, is that there was one main thing I had to do, what was that?
I had to…
Give up.
Give up …assumptions.
Give up …wasting time.
Give up …seeking approval.
Give up …complaining (still working on that one).
Give up …spending time with people, places or things which don’t light me up.
That last one, has led to this piece, but let me say a little about the others first.
Assumptions ~ That others have it better, easier, by chance, entitlement or through something I assume I don’t have.
Wasting time ~ You’re likely bored hearing about the 5am stuff, but it’s been huge for me and even more huge thanks to Shaa Wasmund for this golden technique.
Seeking approval ~ checking with anyone else other than myself before doing anything, this is like kryptonite to confidence.
Complaining ~ about situations, events or occurrences especially complaining to a person who can’t put it right or do anything to alleviate or resolve my complaint.
Initially, “Give up spending time with people, places or things which don’t light me up” , looks pretty harsh, but here’s what it actually meant for me.
I decided this summer that I wanted to majorly declutter, I’ve decluttered before but this time I felt compelled and started from a place of, “How does the person who is x,y,z live, act or be? I started to look at my belongings and as I picked the items up, I asked myself a simple question, I asked myself how that item made me feel? The answers which came back were surprising.
You see, when you look at items in that way, you experience the overdue memories held, times when things ’should have been’, the clothing which when you wore it, made you feel less than, and the places you revisit which made your heart sink. That top I couldn’t wear comfortably without my bra straps showing and that favourite piece which had a little hole in it which I spent the whole time trying to disguise.
The books which sat on my shelf, got moved around from the marital home, into the separated and newly single pad and the really costly storage unit they lived in in between. The designer purse, a gift from bygone people, the copious notebooks filled with detailed notes, big dreams and careful plans, the pairs of shoes, everywhere especially the 10+ pairs in my car, which had itself become a storage unit and stark reminder of a life I no longer lived, a position I no longer held, a sector crippled into collapse, a reminder of the redundancy as my role became a victim of the economic financial ‘crisis’.
The bit that others don’t always get or think about though, are the people…
That final one, “Give up spending time with people, places or things which don’t light me up”
Initially “Give up spending time with people, which don’t light me up” looks pretty harsh, but here’s what it actually meant for me
We all know at least one person who can be either negative, spiteful, embarrassing, energy draining or unsupportive and we just don’t feel great around them, yet it’s common for people to choose to stay connected with those people in life and online and it was some of those traits I looked at with the filter of “how does the person who does x,y,z live, act or be?
Here’s the rub.
If you’re spending time with people who are negative, spiteful, embarrassing, energy draining, unsupportive or something else, you’ll feel these things more often at a time when it's likely you want to feel differently. When you’re stretching and looking to do new things you want to surround yourself with people who will cheer you on, support you and are completely in tune with what you’re looking to achieve. If not, you’ll find your confidence, tenacity, positivity, and will, being challenged. Sometimes, it’s ok to take a step back while staying in relationship with them, it's also important to know when to vet what you share with them too.
If they’re so negative and don’t get that stepping back piece, that’s ok too, you don’t need to absorb what’s not going to support you, and there’s no need to spend time or energy correcting, judging or 'fixing' them.
During the last round of decluttering, when I realised that my car mostly sat parked on the side of the road in London, was filled with old memories of an old lifestyle, and didn’t fill me with joy.
I gave that up too.
Once you're ready to step up and be even more visible there's a whole heap of people who are ready to support you, including me! Who do you want to be?
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