The truth about giving up!

I’ve spent the last few months decluttering, searching deeply, asking important questions from myself and my life both personally and professionally. What I realised, is that there was one main thing I had to do, what was that?

I had to…  

Give up. 

Give up …assumptions. 

Give up …wasting time. 

Give up …seeking approval. 

Give up …complaining (still working on that one). 

Give up …spending time with people, places or things which don’t light me up. 

That last one, has led to this piece, but let me say a little about the others first. 

Assumptions ~ That others have it better, easier, by chance, entitlement or through something I assume I don’t have. 

Wasting time ~ You’re likely bored hearing about the 5am stuff, but it’s been huge for me and even more huge thanks to Shaa Wasmund for this golden technique. 

Seeking approval ~ checking with anyone else other than myself before doing anything, this is like kryptonite to confidence. 

Complaining ~ about situations, events or occurrences especially complaining to a person who can’t put it right or do anything to alleviate or resolve my complaint. 

Initially, “Give up spending time with people, places or things which don’t light me up” , looks pretty harsh, but here’s what it actually meant for me.

I decided this summer that I wanted to majorly declutter, I’ve decluttered before but this time I felt compelled and started from a place of, “How does the person who is x,y,z live, act or be? I started to look at my belongings and as I picked the items up, I asked myself a simple question, I asked myself how that item made me feel? The answers which came back were surprising. 

You see, when you look at items in that way, you experience the overdue memories held, times when things ’should have been’, the clothing which when you wore it, made you feel less than, and the places you revisit which made your heart sink. That top I couldn’t wear comfortably without my bra straps showing and that favourite piece which had a little hole in it which I spent the whole time trying to disguise. 

The books which sat on my shelf, got moved around from the marital home, into the separated and newly single pad and the really costly storage unit they lived in in between. The designer purse, a gift from bygone people, the copious notebooks filled with detailed notes, big dreams and careful plans, the pairs of shoes, everywhere especially the 10+ pairs in my car, which had itself become a storage unit and stark reminder of a life I no longer lived, a position I no longer held, a sector crippled into collapse, a reminder of the redundancy as my role became a victim of the economic financial ‘crisis’. 

The bit that others don’t always get or think about though, are the people… 

That final one, “Give up spending time with people, places or things which don’t light me up”

Initially “Give up spending time with people, which don’t light me up” looks pretty harsh, but here’s what it actually meant for me

We all know at least one person who can be either negative, spiteful, embarrassing, energy draining or unsupportive and we just don’t feel great around them, yet it’s common for people to choose to stay connected with those people in life and online and it was some of those traits I looked at with the filter of “how does the person who does x,y,z live, act or be?

Here’s the rub.

If you’re spending time with people who are negative, spiteful, embarrassing, energy draining, unsupportive or something else, you’ll feel these things more often at a time when it's likely you want to feel differently. When you’re stretching and looking to do new things you want to surround yourself with people who will cheer you on, support you and are completely in tune with what you’re looking to achieve. If not, you’ll find your confidence, tenacity, positivity, and will, being challenged. Sometimes, it’s ok to take a step back while staying in relationship with them, it's also important to know when to vet what you share with them too.

If they’re so negative and don’t get that stepping back piece, that’s ok too, you don’t need to absorb what’s not going to support you, and there’s no need to spend time or energy correcting, judging or 'fixing' them.

During the last round of decluttering, when I realised that my car mostly sat parked on the side of the road in London, was filled with old memories of an old lifestyle, and didn’t fill me with joy.

I gave that up too.  

Once you're ready to step up and be even more visible there's a whole heap of people who are ready to support you, including me! Who do you want to be? 

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Jenny Kovacs ~ Visibility Specialist PS If you're wondering how you can work with me privately, let's schedule a time to talk about what you need, click the box below to set up a call.

Jenny, can you help me? I want a Private Day with you! Jenny Kovacs is known as, the ‘Queen of Being Seen’ because she activates your ability to be Visible, to be seen, heard and noticed. Jenny shares quick, effective, easy to implement techniques.

Are YOU Going Through It?

Today had a s-l-o-w start...

If you think that things are perfect for everyone else but you, please know you're not alone!

Despite having been awake really early, I'd been plagued by all sorts of of rubbish, and things seemed to happen REALLY slowly.

When I say stuff, that stuff could include things like;

lack of sleep

computers crashing

friends who need comforting

rubbish times

heavy heads (and hearts)

massive to-do lists

poorly children

out of order ex’s

demanding timeframes

to busy-i-tis

personal problems

health scares

naughty children

cancelled plans

family rows

bad hair day's

my-boss-doesn't-understand-me days 

Insert yours _____________ in the blank here!

The list is endless!

So for all of you who need it, here are some things to do or be.

1. Be gentle on yourself 

Beating yourself up verbally, only makes matters worse, and inflames an already delicate situation, cut yourself some slack, give yourself a break and ask yourself, would you speak to a small child like that? Likely not!

2. Absolutely know that "this too shall pass" 

Virtually everything in life is temporary, so it will end and it will pass!

3. There's always tomorrow

You might just need the break, this is often how we know, when we refuse to stop

4. Know that tomorrow is another day

It'll will still all be there and you'll function better having slept on it

5. then take some time out, yes really. 

Go for a short walk, take a break, go to the gym, grab a drink or even lock yourself in the loo for 5 minutes!

So what now?

Once you're feeling differently and it has passed, take a moment to write down the life that you want and how you'll choose to feel if it were to happen again. 

PS I'm not going to pretend to know it all, in fact, I am going to invite you to add a nugget of advice of your own  in the comments below, if you're feeling s-l-o-w or you want to cheer someone else up. 

I know they'll want to hear it, and could really need it right now. 

Keep on being incredible and happy

Jenny Kovacs

Jenny Kovacs | Coach. Trainer. Speaker

Jenny Kovacs shows outstanding people how to be visible, make a difference and stand out to those who need them. 

The creator of the Visibility VIBES™ system, a tried and tested method that helps people to promote their strengths through what they say to the people around them and the clients they are trying to find, so you get seen, get heard, get noticed, in a good way, your way.

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Why Worry?

As a coach and trainer one thing that I hear quite regularly from my clients are things they worry about.

From relationships to businesses even concerns about family members, and being successful or not, worry about how other people view them. Worry about pending life events, what could happen, what has happened and could happen again.

One thing’s for sure, regardless of who you are, where you're from, what you do for a living, or financial status worry hits everybody at some time so you're not alone. 

Have you stopped to think about how many minute's hours or days a week you spend worrying? If this is you then you've come to the right article so make yourself comfortable and read on.

Tip one - first of all recognise whether you are thinking something through or worrying.  If you’re worrying, note how long you're worrying for and any negative feelings or effects that this may be having on you, the people around you or your daily life. Try asking yourself what's the worst that could happen? and write this down. This alone brings your concerns out into the open and allows you the space to acknowledge it.

Worrying is often driven by FEAR and if you think of this as an acronym

False

Evidence
Appearing
Real

What evidence do you actually have? It hasn't happened and there is nothing to prove that this will happen either so when you feel the fear, recognise it as just that.

Tip two - conversely whilst you're busy worrying, have you stopped to think about an ideal and realistic solution to your worry or an outcome with a much more positive ending than you've previously thought of?

Tip three - Take a blank piece of paper on one side write down everything that you're worried about.

On the other side draw a large circle with a smaller circle inside. This is your circle of influence in coaching we use this to help people decipher the things that are within their control and the things that are outside of their control.

So the next step is this, of the things that are purely 100% within your control, write them in the smaller central circle. For everything else it goes into the circle of concern, everything there is outside of your control, and gives you less to worry about. Based on Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

By Jenny Kovacs (find me on Facebook Here)